Haven't a Clue

I was enough of a regular to not be disturbed again while I ate my lunch, so it was kind of a surprise to feel a tap on my shoulder. I turned around and saw Travis, a friend from childhood, standing beside me.

"Nico, my man." He slid into the seat across from me.

"Travis." I picked up my napkin and wiped my mouth.

"Wow. It's been a while."

"Yes. Almost 10 years."

"Yeah. So, what's new?" He waved Gladys over. "I'll have what he's having. Thanks." She left our table and Travis leaned towards me.

"Well, I, uh, I'm working."

"Oh, yeah? Where?"

"For myself. I'm an accountant."

"Really? How's that pay?"

"It's decent. I work from home, so I have virtually no overhead." I can't remember the last time I felt so uncomfortable talking to someone. Even talking to Jayme the night before wasn't this awkward.

"Good. Oh, here's my lunch." Gladys set his plate down in front of him and gave me a quick glance. I slightly shook me head and she went back to her post at the counter.

"So, what are you doing?" Our hometown was an hour away and the last I heard, Travis had taken over his father's hardware store.

"I'm just in town for the day. Had to pick up some supplies and was hungry, so I came in here. Geez, you haven't changed a bit since high school."

"Thanks. You still working at the store?"

"Yeah." He took a sip of his coffee and leaned back. "It's a bitch running it, but it's still nice to call it my own."

"Mm-hmm. How's the family?"

"Good, good. Dad's driving mom up the wall in his retirement. Jackie's a doctor and Dean's working with me. Other than that, nothing too exciting."

"No wife?"

"Nah. No time. What about you? How's your folks?"

"You know that my step-mom passed away last year, eh?"

"Yeah. Sorry."

"It was bound to happen. Can't live forever."

"True."

"But Dad's living with Maria now and helping out with her kids."

My step-mom was killed in a pretty horrific accident the previous winter. She was walking across the street to drop a letter in a mail box and some drunk driver came around the corner and took her out. As much as I resented her, it was pretty tragic. But, we are mortal beings so it's not like any of us could have done anything to prevent it.

Travis looked at his watch and stood up. "Well, Nico, looks like I'll be on my way. Here, I'll give you my number. Give me a call anytime. We'll go out for a beer next time you're in town." He pulled out a business card and handed it to me. 'Travis Boyne, Your Trusty Handyman, 555-3857.' "See you later, man."

"Yep." I watched him walk out the door. I had little contact with anyone I went to high school. It's not like I purposely cut myself off from them, but the distance was nice. Most of my former friends from that time are married with kids, working at normal jobs. I never expected any of us to become superstars or anything, but it would have been nice to have someone who went against the grain to do something with their lives.

I got up from the table and went to the till. Gladys rang in my meal and took my money. "Who was that man, honey?"

"Oh, just a guy I knew from high school."

"You two friends?"

"Not anymore."

"I see."

"Thanks, Gladys. See you later." I left the diner and walked to my car. I hated it, but it got me from one place to another. One of the few things my dad taught me while I was growing up was how to take care of a vehicle. I'd had my car since I was 17, almost 10 years now. I babied it and made sure it went in for regular check ups. Jayme often accused me of caring more for my car than her.

I went home and did some more work. As much as I enjoy my job, there are points where I would love to just say 'Screw it' and leave it all behind. But then I come to my senses and go back to the grind. Sometimes, I wish I was still at the office, slaving away for the preppies in their third-floor offices. As with almost everything in my life, I want the best of both worlds. Sadly, I've learned there are no situations where that is possible.

Around 5:30, I turned my computer off and headed downstairs for supper. I looked across my yard and saw Mickey's truck in his driveway. I remembered that I had almost no food in my house and decided to head over to his place to see if he had anything remotely edible.

Mickey saw me through his window as I crossed my yard. He opened the door and stepped out onto his porch. "Hey, I was just going to come over and see if you had anything worth eating."

"Nope. That's what I'm here for."

"Ah, shit. Wanna go out for something?"

"Sure." We walked around to the front of his house and climbed into his truck. We drove downtown and pulled into the parking lot of our favourite watering hole - The Imp's Tavern.

As we were walking in, Mickey was talking about his day at work. "And then, Bill, that fucker, tried to lock me in the port-a-potty. So I lit his lunch on fire."

"Oh, yeah..." I wasn't paying much attention because I'd just spotted Jayme's car in the parking lot.

"Yeah. And that 300 pound jackass couldn't catch a cold if he tried... I hid out on the scaffold for the rest of the day. Hey, what's up with you? You're quiet all of a sudden."

"Hmm? Oh, I just saw something."

"Okay. Go grab a table, I gotta talk to a man about a horse. I'll be right back." Mickey wound his way through the supper crowd to the washrooms at the back of the bar. I went to our usual corner and sat down.

I was reading the menu when Mickey came to the table. "Guess who's here?" He sat down and picked up a menu.

"Who?" I tried to be as non-chalant as possible.

"Jayme." Mickey watched me intently.

"Oh. What are you going to have?"

We ordered from the waitress and sat in comfortable silence. I looked around the bar at the neon signs and the old posters for bands who played here when it was 'the' bar in town. Mickey was watching a pool game in the corner.

After we ate, he leaned back and lit a cigarette. I took one from his pack and lit it. This was the life - relaxing at a bar with a good friend, no pressure to carry on a conversation.

We finished our beer and Mickey stood up. "Just a sec." He left the table. I knew where he was going but didn't want to ask or watch where he was going.

A few minutes later, he came back to the table and sat down. "She'll be here in a minute."

"What? Who?"

"Jayme. You want to talk to her, right?"

"Not particularly." I was mad - at him and at myself. Of course I wanted to talk to her, but I didn't need Mickey to do my legwork for me.

"I told her you were going to buy her a beer for last night."

"Oh." I stood up and went up to the bar and ordered a Red Solstice Ale - her favourite. I was walking back to the table when I noticed that she was sitting in my seat, laughing at something Mickey said.

"Oh, thanks, Nic." She stood up and moved to the next chair.

"You're welcome." I sat down and tried to not look at her. "And thank you for last night." I practically mumbled that into my chest, but she heard me and put her hand on my shoulder.

"You're welcome. Mickey was just telling me about his day at work. Can you believe this guy? Setting Bill's lunch on fire like that? Tsk, tsk. You're going to find yourself in a lot of trouble one day, Mickey."

"Yeah, but they'll have to catch me first." He kicked me under the table. I looked up at him and he was glaring at me. "I'm going to go play a game and leave you two alone."

"Hey..." He was already gone. Jayme and I sat in silence for a few minutes, completely uncomfortable.

"Um, so how are things going?" She crossed her legs and leaned on the table. She was less than a foot away from me.

"Good. And you?" I took a sip of my beer to keep from looking at her.

"Well, work's been kind of slack lately, so I've been out at my parent's a lot."

"Oh? How are they?"

"Not bad. They ask about you."

"Mmm." I nodded my head. Jayme's parents were great people. They seemed to take a great liking to me when Jayme and I were dating. I was more than a little surprised to hear that they were concerned about me.

"Nic, look..."

"Jayme, this wasn't my idea." I looked at her in the eye. She always said she could tell when I was being truthful when I looked her in the eye. Most of the rest of the time, she claimed, I was either looking two feet over her head or at her chest.

"I know. What's Mickey trying to prove?"

"I don't know. He's a lonely little bugger."

"Yeah. If I didn't know what his true intentions were, I'd think he was trying to hook up with me."

"Well, that's entirely possible."

"I don't think so. I mean, he's a cool guy and all, but..." She looked over at the corner where he was playing pool against a guy he knew from work. I was leaning across the table trying to make an impossible shot. When he made it, he walked up to the other guy and laughed in his face... or, rather, laughed at his chest.

"Yeah, I know."

"So, uh, tell me what you've been up to lately. And none of this 'not much' bullshit, either."

The waitress came by and I ordered another round. After she left, I leaned on the table and looked at Jayme. "What don't you know?"

"Nic, just tell me what you've been doing with yourself for the last four years."

So I told her about how I lived with Mickey for a while after she threw me out. I told her about my job and how semi-rewarding it felt. I told her about my house and about my step-mom's death. I updated her on my sisters and half-brothers. I didn't tell her about my mother and how she was in a re-hab program or about how much I've thought about her since we broke up.

"Sounds like you've been busy."

"Yeah. You?"

She told me about her job with the government. As with a lot of government jobs, it meant sitting at a desk a lot of the time, but when she got out of the office, she was part of a team that was responsible researching new geographical formations. I always found her talking about her job to be the most boring thing in the world, but she enjoyed it. I thought that a spoiled little rich girl like her would have steered clear away from a job that entailed using her brain, but she was smart and wanted to use what intelligence she had. She told me about her friends and what she did in her free time - not much, from her description. Jayme was more of a homebody than I was - her idea of the perfect weekend was staying home and doing absolutely nothing. It drove me nuts sometimes, but to each their own.

"Anyone special in your life?" She leaned back and picked up her glass, watching me over the rim as she took a sip.

"Nah. You?"

"Nope."

"Ah."

"Wow. Look at the time. I've got to go." She stood up and put her coat on. "Look, Nic, I don't want to make a habit of this, okay?"

"Of what?"

"Of talking. Nothing is going to happen."

"Sure." I looked at the table. I couldn't tell if I was disappointed or saddened by her statement.

"I mean it. If we run into each other, we run into each other... that's it. I'm sure I'll see you around." She turned and left. Mickey came over soon after.

"So, how'd it go?" He sat down and waved over the waitress for another round.

"Eh, good, I guess. I mean, she told me she wants nothing to do with me and that I'm not supposed to seek her out to talk to her again."

"Oh. That's not what I expected."

"No, it's not exactly what I expected, either. I mean, come on, we dated for more than two years and we were friends for two years before that... going out for coffee once in a while shouldn't be that bad, should it?"

"I don't know, man. This is Jayme we're talking about here." He pointed at my beer in front of me. "Drink up. I better get home and get some sleep."

I downed my beer and we left the bar. Pinegrove was a small enough town that we could walk home, but Mickey wanted to drive. As small as he was, alcohol rarely had an affect on him. I let him drive me home, but made him swear he'd take back streets and not go over 30.

I walked into my house and went into the living room. It was only 9:00 and I wasn't ready to turn in for the night. As I walked by the calendar, I noticed the note I got from Gladys pinned to the wall beside it. Thursday was the day after tomorrow. Did I want to risk meeting this Bri? Jayme had made it quite clear that there wasn't a hope in hell of a future for us, but what if there was?

I watched a bad B-rate horror movie for a few hours, not really paying attention to it. By the end of it, my eyes were drooping and I headed up to bed.

I replayed the day over in my head. Running into Travis, talking to Jayme, the date on Thursday... I didn't know what to make of any of it. Things always happen in threes, but was any of it good? More than likely, it was all going to be bad, sooner or later.

I was just drifting off to sleep when it hit me: Jayme. Of course I was thinking about her, but why? She cut me out of her life four years previous. There wasn't a day that went by that I didn't think of her. And now that I've spoken to her on consecutive days... I realized I was trying to convince myself that we were meant to be.

Shit! We weren't meant to be together. I don't like all that philosophical crap about fate and destiny, but this was one time I honestly believed it. We broke up for a reason. But what exactly the reason was - that was the elusive part.

I looked at the clock - 1:58 am - and turned the bedside light on. I sat up and stared at Jayme's painting on my wall. Without a second thought, I threw on a sweatshirt, changed my pajamas for jeans and took the painting down. The next thing I knew, I was in my car with the painting on the passenger seat. I arrived at her house and quietly walked up the sidewalk and set the painting down on the doorstep.

I was walking away when the outside light went on. There wasn't enough time for me to escape before she came outside.

"Nic? What are you doing?"

"I'm ending this."

"Ending what?" She picked up the painting and looked at me. "What is this doing here?"

I walked back up the sidewalk. "Look, Jayme, you don't want me around. I don't need a constant reminder of you hanging in my room. Problem solved." I turned and started towards my car.

"Hey, Nic... this is a present for you. Keep it."

"Nah. I'd rather see it with you. Or not see it with you... you know what I mean."

"But..."

"Keep it, damn it. Do whatever you please with it. I don't want it." I opened the door of my car and got it. I had started the engine when she appeared at the passenger door banging on the window.

"Nic! Be reasonable!"

I rolled the window down and she stuck her head in. "Jayme. Listen. You either want me in your life, or you don't. Either way, you're going to keep that damn eyesore. I don't need that fucking thing greeting me every fucking morning."

"Fine. Be that way." She turned towards her house. I jumped out of my car.

"You blow hot and cold, Jayme. You haven't changed a bit." I stood still and waited for her to turn around. I wasn't disappointed. She stopped dead in her tracks and spun around.

"I blow hot and cold? What the hell is with you? You're the asshole who abandoned me when the going got a little tough."

"Hey! Get your story straight."

"I have my story straight." She started slowly walking towards me with her hand clenched by her side. I knew that I was making her angry and didn't really give a damn.